Questions About Please Use The Other Door Sign

How do you say in Spanish – birdnest in bush, please do not come closer?

Sparrows have built a nest near my front door (eggs now!) and it always makes mama fly away when I open the front door. So I have a sign in English “Stop – do not come closer! Birds nesting on the other side of this bush! Do not use front door unless it’s an emergency!”

So that’s really what I want the gardeners to know. They’ll be coming later today.

Thank you.
… smart aleck remarks help the birds a lot, thanks.

joke: Signs?

Sign in a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE 50p PER PREPACKED BAG; 20p DO IT YOURSELF
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
English sign in a German cafe: MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING-BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
Outside a photographer’s studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.
Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME
Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER LOUTS AND VANDALS, WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
Notice in a dry cleaner’s window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR-THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
On a New York convalescent home: “For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.”
On a Maine shop: “Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.”
At a number of military bases: “Restricted to unauthorized personnel.”
On a display of “I love you only” Valentine cards: “Now available in multi-packs.”
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: “Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.”
In a funeral parlor: “Ask about our layaway plan.”
In a clothing store: “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”
In a Tacoma, a Washington men’s clothing store: “15 men’s wool suits, $10. They won’t last an hour!”
Sign in the office of a Roman doctor: “Specialist in women and other diseases.”
Sign at a garage in Hertfordshire: “Please do not smoke near the pumps. If your life isn’t worth anything – gas is!”
Sign at a Budapest zoo: “Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.”

How good is my short story? Please rate out of 10 and give suggestions

The people of the tribe had long had a symbolic and harmonious connection with the land for it gave them food and sheltered them. Life was great for them and they were blissfully unaware of the troubles and corruption of western civilisation. They were also blissfully unaware of what would happen to them.

The man tossed and turned in his queen sized bed in his queen sized house. He could not sleep. I cannot fail… and will not fail. As CEO of the largest company in the world you would think money would be the least of his problems. Wrong.

A geographer, translator and plant expert had just failed their mission from headquarters. They must go to another tribe they agreed and continued to plough they’re way through the Amazon in the land rover.

It was the second day of her new job and already she had formed an instant dislike for her new boss. After having to give up volunteering at a recycling plant and various other environmental community service after the death of her husband, she was still getting over the shock she had received on her first day. Of course the advertisement did not mention that she would be working for a logging company. After all she was extremely passionate about the environment.

“Your late!’ he screamed, banging his fist on his mahogany desk. “Sorry sir replied the woman. The man hadn’t learnt to treat his personal assistants properly, even after having 30 of them. “Well maybe if you didn’t ride that wretched bicycle to work and got a lift in my hummer you wouldn’t be”. The man loved his new gas guzzling car he was even willing to share it. “Now, have you got any ideas on how we can solve our problem with natives not signing over their land in the Amazon, I have huge corporate clients breathing down my neck here about reaching this years quota”. “No sir she whimpered as she backed towards the door slowly. “Well put yourself to some use and get me a cup of coffee” he ordered. “Yes sir” she replied.

The group was tired after their 300 mile drive through the amazon. They knew they were close now as they could hear the bang of drums along with cheering. With a boot full of food and a contract for the natives to sign they knew what they had to do.
They were quite experienced at their job by now – going from tribe to tribe conning the natives into signing they’re territory away for logging rights. After all, rainforests (especially Amazonian ones) produce some very expensive and sought after products. And, when the land is clear it can be used for crops and grazing animals as the soil is rich in nutrients.

The natives raised their spears and arrows at the strangely coloured men as they pulled closer in a just as strange contraption. “Don’t fire!” yelled the translator in their native dialect, we come in peace and have gifts of peacekeeping” he continued. The natives accepted the gifts of food straight away, grabbed hold of them and took them to their leader. The translator explained politely to the leader about the offerings. “Do you want more?” asked the translator. “Because there is plenty more where we come from”. “Yes! Yes!” exclaimed the leader. “Well, said the translator “We need a small favour that I’m sure you will be able to give us”. The leader quietly listened. “Could we please cut down a few trees for we need them to build our houses among other things? In exchange we will give you all the food in our truck over there. Agreed?”. “Yes! Yes!” exclaimed the leader as he leapt up and hugged the men in agreement.

The man sighed in relief and smiled greedily at the great news he had just received from the Amazon. The woman entered. “I’m taking the afternoon off” he said whilst taking off his tie. “Clean up my desk” he ordered as he exited the room. The woman got straight to work but could not help herself to the papers on the man’s desk. She gasped and almost fainted while muttering ‘1, 000, 000 hectares of Amazon?!”

The apocalypse was here they thought hearing the roaring nearby. People yelled and screamed as one by one trees fell like dominoes. “They only said a few trees” exclaimed the leader. What had he done?! They ran and ran until there was nowhere left to go. They were left with a barren, desert like landscape.

A huge depression swept over the natives. They had lost the one thing they had valued most. If this landscape wasn’t hell, it certainly looked like it. Over the next few months many lost the will to live.

The woman wept and wept in front of her TV as images of deforestation in the Amazon played in front of her. Thoughts of realisation swept through her mind. The world is so corrupt these days with money and greed she thought. Cutting down beautiful rainforests and depriving natives only for money. However it was only then that it hit her – she had been corrupted as well. Working at a logging company… for money!?. What a sick world she said to herself as she switched off her TV, walked out onto her 21st floor balcony and jumped.

Hi, I’m in Algebra 2. Please help me solve the Case of the Cooling Corpse.?

The coroner’s office is kept at a cool 17C. Agent 008 kept pacing back and forth trying to keep warm as he waited for any new information about his latest case. For over three hours now, Dr. Dedman had been performing an autopsy on the Sideroad Slasher’s latest victim, and Agent 008 could see that the temperature of the room and the deafening silence were beginning to irritate even Dr. Dedman. The slasher had been creating more work than Dr. Dedman cared to investigate.

“Dr. Dedman, don’t you need to take a break? You’ve been examining this dead body for hours! Even if there were any clues, you probably wouldn’t see them at this point, ” Agent 008 queried.

“I don’t know. ” Dr. Dedman replied. “I just have this feeling something is not quite right. Somehow the slasher slipped up with this one and left a clue. We just have to find it. ”

“Well, I have to check in with HQ, ” 008 stated. “Do you mind if I step out for a couple of hours? ”

“No, that’s fine. ” Dr. Dedman responded. “Maybe I’ll have something by the time you return. ”

“Sure, ” 008 thought to himself. Someone always wants to be the hero and solve everything himself. The doctor just doesn’t realize how big this case really is. The Slasher has left a trail of dead bodies through five states! 008 left, closing the door quietly. As he walked down the hall, he could hear the doctor’s voice fade away, as he described the victim’s gruesome appearance into the tape recorder.

The hallway from the coroner’s office to the elevator was long and dark. This was the only way to Dr. Dedman’s office. Didn’t this frighten most people? Well, it didn’t seem to bother old Ajax Boraxo who was busy mopping the floor, thought 008 . . . most of the others wouldn’t notice, he reminded himself.

He stopped briefly to use the restroom and bumped into one of the deputy coroners. “Dedman still at it? ” “Sure is, Dr. Quincy. He’s totally obsessed. He’s certain there is a clue. ” As usual, when leaving the court house, 008 had to sign out.

“How’s it going down there, Agent 008? ” Sergeant Foust asked. Foust spent most of his shifts monitoring the front door, forcing all visitors to sign in, while he recorded the time next to the signature. Agent 008 wondered if Foust longed for a more exciting aspect of law enforcement. He thought if he were doing Foust’s job he would get a little stir–crazy sitting behind a desk most of the day. Why would someone become a cop to do this?

“Dr. Dedman is convinced he will find something soon. We’ll see! ” Agent 008 responded. He noticed the time: Ten minutes to 2:00. Would he make it to HQ before the chief left?

“Well, good luck! ” Foust shouted as 008 headed out the door.

Agent 008 sighed deeply when he returned to the court house. Foust gave his usual greeting: “Would the secret guest please sign in? ” he would say, handing a pen to 008 as he walked through the door. Sign in again, he thought to himself. Annoying! 5:05 p.m. Agent 008 had not planned to be gone so long, but he had been caught up in what the staff at HQ had discovered about that calculator he had found. For a moment he saw a positive point to having anyone who came in or out of the court house sign in: he knew by quickly scanning the list that Dr. Dedman had not left. In fact, the old guy must still be working on the case.

As he approached the coroner’s office, he had a strange feeling that something was wrong. He couldn’t hear or see Dr. Dedman. When he slowly opened the door, the sight he saw inside stopped him in his tracks. Evidently, Dr. Dedman was now the newest victim of the slasher. But wait? The other body, the one the doctor had been working on, was gone! Immediately, the security desk, with its annoying sign–in sheet came to mind. Yes there were lots of names on that list, but if he could determine the time of Dr. Dedman’s death, he might be able to just scan the roster to find the murderer! Quickly, he grabbed the thermometer to measure the Doctor’s body temperature. He turned around and hit the security buzzer. The bells were deafening. He knew the building would be sealed off instantly and security would be there within seconds.

“My God! ” Foust cried as he rushed in. “How did this happen? Who could have done this? I spoke to the Doctor less than an hour ago. What a travesty! ”

As the security officers crowded into the room, Agent 008 explained what he knew, which was almost nothing. He stopped long enough to check the doctor’s body temperature: 27C. That’s 10C below normal. He figured that the doctor had been dead at least an hour. Then he remembered: the tape recorder! Dr. Dedman had been taping his observations; that was standard procedure. They began looking everywhere for that blasted thing. The slasher must have realized that the doctor had been taping and taken that as well. Exactly an hour had passed during the search and Agent 008 noticed that the thermometer still remained in Dr. Dedman’s side. The thermometer clear

if i put up a no tresspass sign , do i have legal rights to prosecute?

i have cut all ties to my so called family. apprently my adoption at 9 days old wasnt legal. so i have quit speaking to my family.
emails and phone calls state they are planning to come for a visit. if i put up a no tresspassing sign and they come to my door
can i take legal action? nothing else has worked to keep them away, this is a last resort. they have money and think they can do what they please. no one has told them no to much of anything, they think they well are above the law. i have blocked their number but they keep using other phones.
i havent made contact in any way form or fashion, they just cant stand to be told no.
are there any other ways i can keep them away. they even tried to have my child taken away, which didnt work the police and all involved told them they have no grandparents rights in texas, so legally they cant do anything, it helps to have cps and other legal people telling you what they can and cant do.
here is the situation, i was taken from my home, my name was changed and the hid me from my real parents so it would look like desertion on their part. i ask them to be truthful and they called attorneys trying to get my son-their grandson, and claim i was an unfit mother
i have proff of all of this. i told my brother i wish not to reconnect with them.
since may they have tried relentless persuit to stay in touch. they have money but this time the law is on my side, also since i want legally adopted they have no rights to my son as granparents.